Itsmetinaling's Blog

Getting Married: How Do You Know for Sure?

January 22, 2011 at 12:03 am (STORIES) (MARRIAGE)

Yesterday me and my friend Ericka was watching pre-nuptial videos of this celebrities in the Philippines, we are so touched by words that they are telling to each other, you can see how in-love and happy they are,  now I’m inspired to write a blog about marriage.

Marriage is a huge commitment. It’s not about a I’m just happy with him/her, it’s not about the distance that you have, it’s not about the magical feeling, it’s not how long that you two are together. But what is marriage anyway? Now a days a lot of people are getting married due to some reasons, like his girl friend got pregnant, fix marriage and long distance love affair etc., but do this people thought of what is marriage is all about?

Okay this is what I can say, I’ve been in this so-called getting-to-be-married-stage. I had a long distance relationship, yes! we planned to get married this year, but as the day goes by I realize a lot of things specially having a married life. So just to cut it short we ended up not getting married. Why? because one main reason is marriage is not the answer for our distance love affair, second it doesn’t mean that being deeply in love and happy with him still marriage is not the answer. I can say that I was enlightened by the word “MARRIAGE” because a lot of my friends are already married, then I realize that marriage is not a simple word or an act. It’s a lifetime commitment. I asked my self, am I ready for this life? am I sure that he’s the one?  unfortunately my answer is no.

This is what I learned from this experience:

Why are you getting married?

Be honest and evaluate the reasons for engagement. From what I learned make sure you are not getting married to escape or avoid something. This is not a good reason to get married.  And if you started to have second thoughts about it, you need to think carefully. Listen to your body, ask your self. Think about the next 20 years, do I still feel same after 20, 30, 50 years?

Take your time, don’t be in a rush. Remember marriage is a lifetime commitment. Regardless of what you heart says, you do not need to be in a rush to get married. It is important to take the time to prepare yourself for such a huge step. Are you emotionally ready to get married? You should question your reasons for wanting to marry this person. If it is to make you happy or relieve loneliness, you may find yourself disappointed after the wedding. Or if you have emotional wounds from your past that you have never dealt with, perhaps you should seek counseling about those issues before proceeding to marriage.

Do you know and trust your partner’s personal history?

The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. Learn from it. How has your partner behaved in past relationships? How have they behaved with you? What has your partner learned about marriage from his/her parents? Look closely at your partner’s parents — children learn what they live. (This is according to Dr. Phil, and I would highly agree on this)

And once you cheated on your fiancé it simply means you’re not emotionally mature or stable enough to contemplate committment. I mean, you’ve cheated on your fiancé for half of the time you’ve been together.
End the relationship – BOTH of them – before someone gets hurt.

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“MARRIAGE…A MUST READ” (Please do share TO ALL)

August 25, 2010 at 5:53 pm (STORIES) (MARRIAGE)

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had fought CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, if we push thru with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

THIS STORY REALLY CATCHED MY HEART ♥

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